Growing up my cousins and I were raised together as siblings. There were five of us including my twin brother and myself. Our skin tone ranged from light to dark. My cousin Alisha was raised as the golden child, given that she had naturally long curly hair 3ac 4ab, is racially ambiguous, and has a fair complexion. Her parents home schooled her because she was bullied at school for looks.
Eventually my cousin started to bully me. She would make comments like “guys are attracted to light skin girls”, “All the guys love me because I’m so pretty with pretty hair”, “No one likes dark skin girls”, and “You’re going to have to show your body and boobs to get people’s attention.” Those comments made me think that I’m not pretty, I won’t be accepted, and I began not to care about myself.
I did not see beauty within myself and I believed no one else did because of those comments. I became a tomboy and dressed like a boy. I wore cornrows and my clothes were a couple sizes too big. I went through puberty at a young age and I remember trying to cover up my boobs so no one would know I was a female. I even liked being referred to as a male because I did not have to deal with women’s standards of beauty.
It wasn’t until middle school when I saw that my cousin’s words had implications beyond me; light skin females are seen first and dark skin girls seen second. The other factor was my schoolmates. The “it” girls or popular girls always had light skin, “nice hair”, dressed well and always had guys asking for their numbers. The funny thing was that her side-kicks were always dark-skin girls that were not as well put together as she was. According to there standards, they looked good while she looked great. If she was not available, then they would go to her friends.
Once I went to high school I had a self-revelation. I basically felt that I do not need societal beauty standards inflicted on me in order to consider myself beautiful. I got into makeup, weaves, and wearing form fitting clothing. My issues with skin are still relevant but I became more accepting.
All those hateful comments made me feel contempt. “You’re pretty for a dark skin girl.” “Oh you are dark, and your name is weird. Let me guess, you’re African?” And “She Jamaican? She dirty and her hair like a Brillo pad.” Those comments on my appearance and smell, all associated with my skin tone, made me believe that I have to over-achieve in order to be seen. Beauty standards are color based but they should not be color based. In the words of the philosopher Confucius “Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.” Physical beauty will fade over time but true beauty is timeless. There are advantages to having a dark complexion that can have social and economic benefits. Melanin acts as a natural umbrella and prevents your skin from receiving radiation and skin cancers. Having dark skin causes youthful looking skin and aids in human reproduction. Your attributes, characteristics and personality is what defines you, not your skin. Skin color should not be a defining factor to victimize a person.
